Friday, December 29, 2006

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

So this is Christmas...

It's here and then POOF it's gone. Christmas 2006 has almost drawn to a close. The tree is still up but the boughs seem to be sagging with the knowledge that her days as belle of the ball are almost over. So with the end of the season and the close of the year I hope this holiday season brought you all you were hoping for and that the new year is more than you dare to dream.

Soooo now that all that mushy stuff is over (but I meant it - really I did!). Let's recap. Our Christmas was BUSY! We started out with Alex's birthday on Friday. Dinner at Timberlodge followed by cake and birthday gift opening. I wanted to go look at Christmas lights but was outvoted by the birthday boy.

Anyone know what this cake is? Anyone, anyone, Bueller??? Give me your guesses and I'll send the winner a hand crafted and GLITTERED monogram. I know it isn't QUITE scrapbooking but almost...

And here is the birthday boy blowing out his candles. This is the little soul that really showed me what it is all about to put someone else first. My firstborn, my guiding light to seeing all that is good in the world. There are days when I still stop and wonder why - what is the plan - but most days I don't wonder at all and just know I am incredibly lucky!

And just because I am feeling all picture posting like here is one I like just 'cuz I do, I was messing around with my manual settings. And lastly here are three monkeys anxiously awaiting the gift opening extravaganza.

So as you can see a wonderful Christmas was had by all. There were gifts to unwrap and goodies to eat and a real shower to use while visiting my parents (it's the little things (SMILEY)).

Oh and I almost forgot. STICKLES - I got STICKLES. ALL THE STICKLES. EVERY STICKLE COLOR MADE. My wonderful husband actually understands about my Stickle love. And frankly he'd much rather encourage that relationship than the one with Mario. I'll take a picture and post it tomorrow (of the Stickles - not of Mario - not that I wouldn't like to post a picture of Mario, or even better a picture of Mario using Stickles - but tomorrow it will just be the Stickles). ANYWAY, YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THE STICKLES.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

And the end is almost in site...

Okay, the baking is done (FINALLY), the presents are wrapped (FINALLY), the shopping is complete (FINALLY), the cards are sent (FINALLY), and I think I'm ready for Christmas to be here.

In all the busy, crazy, full days it is easy to forget to take a minute and reflect on what this season is all about. But now I have the time and there isn't a minute to waste. Seriously!

I think, no matter what your beliefs or religion, in it's most elemental form, this Christmas time of year is about giving to others. Doing for others what you might not normally take the time to give or do. Putting the wants and needs and well-being of those who are near and dear, those who may be mere acquaintances or those who may be total strangers, ahead of all else. It doesn't have to take a lot of money, it doesn't have to take a lot of time, but it does have to come from your heart. And even though I have been busy, and crabby, and dealing with Walmart traffic and trying to forget My Mario I have tried to give something from my heart each day. I really think this, this giving of self, is what a big part of it is all about. I hope you both give and receive an abundance of goodness this Christmas.

Merry Christmas!!!

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Where did it go?

Okay so the pooping dog totally screwed up my to-do list. My girls, in less than 12 hours, have become Barbie addicts. They have savored the sweet smell of a vinyl body and have felt the power of fully jointed arms and legs (these dolls are GI Joe's dream girls - well of course they don't have the slutty Bratz thing going on but really who wants the cow when the milk is free). Anyway, THEY HAVE BECOME BARBIE GIRLS (and to tell you the truth I couldn't be prouder - I loved my Barbie). Which means that some of the Christmas gifts that I debated about buying and then didn't are what I should have (got all that - if you need it broken down just send me a note - I can give you the paint-by-number version).

So while I was searching the stores for Barbie clothes (which barely exist anymore - SERIOUSLY) I noticed a very strange thing. This week, one week before Christmas, the dog days of the Season, the stores were almost devoid of Christmas. The trees, the balls, the glitter, angels and wreaths - GONE! The remnants already looking bruised and beaten stacked up in discount bins to make way for Valentine's Day. WHAT? It made me sad.

Shopping yesterday was like looking at the Christmas tree a week after Christmas when the once beautiful and glittery tree looks more like a refuge for homeless birds and wayward squirrels. I mean really, it made me depressed. I felt like I was sinking into the depths of post Christmas depression before the pre-Christmas euphoria.

So what I want to know is where did Christmas go? How can it be gone when it hasn't even happened yet? Are we so full of hustle and bustle that we can't even savor events as they happen? Do we need to look to the future bigger and better before we have even experienced the present? Do the stores have to start pushing Christmas on us in October so that by the time December arrives we won't care if they are cramming Valentine's Day down our throats?

Frankly, I don't like it. Frankly, it sucks. Frankly, I'm not shopping again until after Christmas when I don't care if the stores are screwing around with my Holiday. Their quest for my dollar has failed. They are not getting my last minute ching. I have crafts. I have glitter. I can scrapbook. I'll get by.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Crazy Busy

Holy Bananas life is so crazy busy right now. I have so much that I want to cram into the next four days that I don't think I will be able to take time to sleep. There's baking and wrapping and Christmas lights - oh no!

This weekend we did some baking. Three kids (one who cannot have gluten), one Kitchen Aide stand mixer, and a jumbo bag of chocolate chips. How do you think things turned out? Let's just say that someone needed some very QUIET time later in the afternoon! So that, combined with the elusive Crisco incident (Three trips to Super Target specifically to pick up shortening. Three trips home from Super Target with NO shortening in the sack!) we did not finish all that I had planned. So tonight - more baking. I think I need to make a plan.

I should have been working on some of these things last night but my closest friend, Roxann, stopped over with gifts for the kids (and wine). The highlight of the night? The Dog Walking Barbie - with a dog that eats when you push down it's tail and POOPS when you lift up the tail. I'm not kidding, the dog does his deed and the Barbie has a pooper scooper to pick it up and put it in the trash can where it magically travels down a chute, lands in the dog food bin and becomes doggie treats!
I know you think I'm lying but I'M NOT! Just wait I'll find a link and then you'll know.

So as you can see I better quit writing and start working. I've got things to do, people to see, and a Barbie that has a yard full of fake dog poop to scoop. Merry Christmas!

Friday, December 15, 2006

It's beginning

The Christmas hustle and bustle has officially begun at our house with the beginning of the birthday week extravaganza. Today is Dennis' birthday (next week is Alex's birthday). We have big things planned for tonight, like figuring out why our outside lights are acting flukey and more Christmas shopping and chaperoning Alex to a dance this evening. Such is the life of an adult on his birthday. But don't feel too sorry for Dennis, the kids will ensure he has a fabulous birthday with singing, and dancing and birthday festivities. The only thing better than their own birthday's are our birthday's. They know an event that calls for cake when they see it!

But really, since it is Dennis' birthday today and this may be the only present he receives from me (hey it's the Christmas season!) I will take a minute to talk about what a wonderful husband and father this man is!

This is a man who will get up in the middle of the night to take care of a crying child because he wants to let me sleep, this is a man who will IM me in the middle of the day just to say he is thinking of me, this is is man who will actually come to see what the problem is when I am slamming things around in my scraproom (yes it is true I have a scraproom) because my printer keeps jamming, this is a man who will dance around the living room like an idiot because it makes his kids laugh, this is a man who will not hesitate to join in the jingly bell parade through the house, this is a man who loves his wife and children beyond all else and isn't afraid to tell the world. This is a good man - and I fail to tell him often enough.

Happy Birthday Dennis - I love you!!!

Thursday, December 14, 2006

What's with this TAG stuff

And what the heck is a MEME? I'm telling you I Blog but I have no idea what I am doing. I'm lucky I figured out how to post a picture. Anyway, I was "tagged" by my friend Steph (Skermit) who is well on her way to scrapbook fame (and if that doesn't deserve an I'm Purrrrfect sweatshirt I don't know what does).

So here it goes. Oh and I won't make a habit of this because really a girl needs more secrets than who she is stalking on


A - Available or single: Okay where is the I'm a married scrapbooker with kids and pets option? That's my category.
B - Best friend: Roxann, since we've been seven.
C - Cake or pie: Cake (white cake, white buttercream frosting, pink roses)
D - Drink of choice: Diet Coke - lots of ice in a glass glass
E - Essential item you use everyday: Car
F - Favorite color: Pink
G - Gummy bears or worms: ICK.
H - Hometown: New Hampton
I - Indulgence: See Cake :-)
J - January or February: ICK.
K - Kids & names: Alex, Sydney, Lauren
L - Life is incomplete without? Family, friends, Diet Coke and Cake :-)
M - Marriage date: 4th of July BABY!
N - Number of siblings: 2
O - Oranges or apples: Oranges I love oranges, so yummy, especially those little Clementine oranges. Yep I love oranges so much that orange used to be my favorite color. When I knocked my brother out of the high chair (by accident) at my grandma's and he split his head open on the heat vent thingy I was wearing an orange dress and asked for an orange balloon and an orange sucker at the doctor since my brother was crying too hard from the stitches and didn't want anything to do with balloons or suckers.
P - Phobias or fears: Fire
Q - Fave quote: I can't think of one right now but here is what is on my day planner today
"Some people wait so long for their ship to come in, their pier collapses. - John Goddard
R - Reasons to smile: My family and friends and pretty paper.
S - Season: Summer. Love summer.
T - Amy, Kelly E. and Jennifer S.
U - Unknown fact about me: Seriously, you read my blog right? I don't have any unknown facts.
V- Vegetable you don't like: Squash
W - Worst habit: Where do I begin... Impatience
X - Xrays: Ah-huh
Y - Your fave food: A good yummy steak.
Z - Zodiac sign: Pieces

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

All things Sound of Music

I know I have mentioned the Sound of Music before and how my friend Maria can invoke all the songs and lyrics from the movie but I haven't told you the entire truth. You see I LOVE the Sound of Music. Really. I'm not kidding. There are only a few movies I can watch again and again and again and the Sound of Music is one of those movies. I love the scenery, (some day I am going to Austria and I'm going to sing ALL the songs - OUTLOUD), I love the characters, I love that Captain Von Trapp is really soft on the inside, I love Edelweiss, I love the matching outfits Maria made for the children out of her bedroom drapes, I love that the nuns put sugar in the cars of the bad guys, I love the story and I don't care if the Biography Channel does say the story is not accurate. That the Captain was really a wimp and Maria wasn't really very nice and they didn't even Climb Every Mountain to escape (they took a bus - I KNOW - they just packed their bags, drove to the bus station, boarded said bus and LEFT - no music competition, no Lars blowing the whistle on them and breaking Liedel's heart, no narrow escape). I don't really like the real story much, so I just pretend I don't know anything about it. I believe in the fairy tale, I believe in Maria, I believe in the Sound of Music!!! So now you know my little secret. Sometimes I forget the secret myself and then it happens I see a commercial or hear a song (why is "My Favorite Things" considered a Christmas Carole?) and my heart is filled with my love of all things Sound of Music. Life is good!

Monday, December 11, 2006

Of Friends, Scrapbooking and Cupcakes

Happy Birthday Amy!!!

Yes, it is Amy's birthday today. We had a little celebration on Saturday while SCRAPBOOKING. And there was not one I'm Purrrrrfect sweatshirt in the group - SERIOUSLY. Anyway, Amy and I have only been friends for about a year but you know how there are some people that just get you and vice-versa? That's how it is with Amy. Most of my close friends are people I have known for years, people I have grown up with, people who have been there through dating and marriage and babies and mid-life crisis (okay so I don't consider myself mid-life yet but you know what I mean). And then there are those rare individuals you meet along the way that you click with right away. The ones that you haven't really known forever but it still feels that way. That is how it is with Amy. I am so glad I met her and that we have formed a friendship and support system even if she does think My Mario is gay and has Tommy Lee on her list (but really, you can't judge a person on their list - the LIST is non-judgmental). So Happy Birthday Amy. I hope you have a wonderful year!!!

I scrapped this weekend. It felt good. I haven't really worked on a page in ages. I missed my scissors and pretty paper and although I still have an undying love for flowers and ribbon I have begun an affair with glitter, specifically Stickles Glitter. I think the Stickles may be THE ONE. That special something that will never lose it's luster (literally) - Goll darn it I need a flippin' smilie. So I played with glitter all day and could feel the magic of the fairy dust drifting over my zen - and then I went home to get ready for ANOTHER party (one that involved adult beverages and content - the kind of party where you WOULD NOT want to be confronted with a pair of scissors because that could only lead to bad things - things like a kitchen counter haircut or a Flash Dance t-shirt) and as I looked in the mirror while getting ready for the "other" party I noticed that not only was my zen dancing in fairy dust but my face was a shining beacon of GLITTER!!! Now if you have ever dealt with glitter it is not easy to get those darn sparkles off. So I went to the party hoping that everyone would just think it was my sparkling personality shining through (you know what I need here right???) it all worked out okay - really.

And then there is that cupcake thing but this post is already far too long so that is just going to have to wait until another day. Just remind me to tell you about it.

Have a great day Amy and everyone else too!!! Bake some cookies, put a quarter in the Salvation Army bucket, let someone cut in front of you in traffic, do a little something to make someone smile, 'tis the season baby!

Wednesday, December 6, 2006

At last, at last, I'm well at last...

So I'm feeling better as of about 2:00 p.m. today. For awhile there I thought I was actually going to have to go to the doctor. Now I've been spared that ordeal. There are few things I dislike as much as going to the doctor (the Walmart zone and those pesky slow drivers are among that group - oh, and Emmitt Smith and I don't think I need to mention why...). So in honor of feeling more like myself I took Lauren shopping after daycare (Syd got a daycare reprieve today because she was croupy coughing this morning, but it didn't take her long to recover. I received reports during the day, Christmas tree ornament kissing and pillow mountain climbing were the highlights). Anyway back to Lauren. She was supposed to be picking out presents for her brother and sister, to a three year old all presents are presents that should be for said three year old and I won't even go into the horrors associated with that dang wooden train set-up. All I can say is thank God I had the sense to only bring one child!!!

That's it. That's all I've got to say today. After spending 4 1/2 days in bed things are pretty boring. I'll see if I can't pump it up tomorrow. Maybe I'll be lucky and someone will run one of the imaginary stop signs and I'll get myself all worked up!

Tuesday, December 5, 2006

Will it ever end?

I am STILL sick if you can believe it? I can't. But I think I am feeling better so I'm taking that as a good sign.

So I know you have come to expect a little bit of crabby, a little bit of cynacism, a little bit of humor, from this blog, but today I am feeling a little bit of melancholy. I don't know if it is the sick or the Christmas carols I have playing in the background but whatever it is it's there.

Last night, for the fifteen minutes I wasn't running to the bathroom, Dennis mentioned that he wished we could just keep the girls at 3-1/2 forever. It has been so much fun to watch them enjoy all the excitement and anticipation and wonder. Yes, I said wonder, I know I know, so overdone, but true. Here is a scrapbook layout (hey you KNEW it was gonna happen sooner or later) that I did last year that I just love. To me this is what Christmas is all about.

This picture melts my heart everytime I see it.

And just so big brother gets equal viewing time here is a layout that also brings it all home to me

So anyway, I am loving the delight my kids are taking in this Christmas season. Everything is a discovery, from the windows in the little Christmas village, to adding handmade ornaments to the tree, to the challenge of being on good behavior just in case Santa is checking his list. It is too bad that the magic can't last forever (especially that Santa threat - Syd takes this VERY SERIOUSLY) but maybe that is what makes it magic...

Saturday, December 2, 2006

Life has been really crappy!

I have the stomach flu. I KNOW, it wasn't that long ago that I had a crummy cold and now this. But you know what the kicker to the whole thing is? MY IN-LAWS ARE STOPPING IN AGAIN! Now, you know, I can't lock myself in my room again. That could only lead them down two paths of thinking 1 "Holy Bananas she's sick again? I wonder if I have anything to wear to the funeral?" or 2 "Holy Bananas she just used this excuse, isn't there an original bone in her body?". I don't like either option, I don't want an emergency shopping trip to Walmart preceding my funeral and I am highly offended to think that someone would think I was unoriginal. Anyway, I will have to sweat it out. I can't wait.

Dennis and I were going to go Christmas shopping tonight, and we may still try if I can get more than five feet from the bathroom. Nothing like spreading a little holiday cheer and flu virus at the same time. Nothing says Merry Christmas like the stomach flu.

Last night when I woke up in the middle of the night I had written a wonderfully witty entry in my head but when I tried to remember today I couldn't so this is what you get. In-laws and the flu. What have I done to warrant such punishment? FINE I promise I will never bad-mouth Emmitt Smith again, let him sleep with what he has done...

By the way, my in-laws would never be unprepared for a funeral - attending funerals is their favorite activity - right after watching the Statler Brothers Christmas Special. SERIOUSLY!

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

And now it's cold.

Yes, yes, yes, I'm talking about the weather again. Really that isn't the reason I created this blog but it has been so flippin' fickle outside I can't help myself. As I type it is 18 degrees. In otherwords it is COLD and I hate it. There I've got it out of my system now - short and sweet.

ANYWAY, do you realize there are only 25 shopping days left before the biggest commercialized holiday of the year? I just wanted to bring that to your attention in case you have been living under a rock somewhere. And if I didn't already know this it became very obvious this morning when the interrogations began. "Mom is it Christmas today? Mom is it Christmas tomorrow? Mom how many days is it until Christmas? Mom will Santa come to our house? Mom how will Santa know which house is our house? Mom can we leave cookies for Santa? Mom can we make cookies for Santa today?" and it goes on and on and on. You would think I would have learned never to mention a holiday since the Halloween investigations (Mom is it Halloween today? Mom... - different holiday,same questions)a short month ago. BUT I didn't, so now I have to get up ten minutes early every morning so that I can give the official Christmas Countdown and answer all those questions - AGAIN.

Maybe I should print the number on my forehead and they could just gaze at my head while I'm sleeping. Oh wait, this is my kids, it would just open up an entire different line of questioning (Mom, why do you have writing on your head? Mom, is that a marker? Mom, is that red marker? Mom, what number is that? Mom, did you know you have writing on your head? - I think you get the picture). So I will muster as much enthusiasm as I can at 5:45 a.m. and dazzle my children with my calendar skills and quick counting!!

Oh and by the way, in case you were wondering, I'm still in mourning for My Marvelous Mario. I have heard there are rumors circulating that it was all fixed, Emmitt Smith was set up to win from the start. It's a DANCING WITH THE STARS SCANDAL. I'll keep you updated (NEED A DAMN SMILEY)

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

And they say women can't make up their minds...

Okay, we had winter in October, and it wasn't even late October we are talking middle of the month October. AND NOW it is practically December, in a land where temperatures are usually hovering around the below freezing mark, and it is SIXTY degrees (Fahrenheit). SERIOUSLY. Mother Nature is giving women everywhere a bad name with this back and forth, back and forth. Just pick a season and stick with it! How am I supposed to know what to wear in the morning and lord knows I don't want to deal with the coat issue if I don't have to.

So you would think I wouldn't mind the 60 degree weather, and normally I wouldn't mind at all, but there is something about plastic reindeer, flashing mini lights outlining every window of your house and blow-up Santas that need snow! Really, snow helps even the tackiest lawn ornament - trust me! Plus I had wanted a little snow for our Christmas pictures of the crabbettes. Instead I had to settle for warm weather and dead leaves. Nice.

Despite the lack of a snowy back drop the Christmas photos went pretty well. Thirty pictures and I have ONE that only needs limited photoshopping to get rid of red-eye. How old do your kids have to be before everyone can look good at the same time? Anyone? I would post a photo here BUT that would spoil the surprise for those of you who will be receiving a Christmas card. Who can't wait to see a photo they've already seen? NOBODY!!! See, I knew you would understand.

Well I better get working on that card thing. Who knows maybe I can slip outside for a bit and work on my tan!

Saturday, November 25, 2006

One Holiday down - One to go...

Before I talk about thanksgiving and tree decorating I want to know one thing - Do your kids have ears? Because I swear to God that my children do not have ears - at least not when they need them. Sydney just came into the "tree room" (formerly known as the living room) with a beach ball. I told her she could not have any balls in the living room while the tree is up (or really any other time but some days I have to pick my battles) and of course I then had to explain WHY. I was sure she heard me. She looked at me very solemnly and nodded and uh-huh'd at all the appropriate times - all the signs of listening and then she dropped the ball on the floor and ran to the tree kicking the ball into the tree along the way - a perfect example of what I just told her NOT to do. (Oh My God - I'm moving out. Dennis just came in the living room carrying the BEACH BALL that was in the hallway. He wants to know what it is doing in the hallway.) Do you see why I am the way I am??? My family is driving me insane.

Anyway, we spent Thanksgiving with my parents. My parents have a pretty large house with several bedrooms. We usually pick the bedroom in the lower level (fine it's in the basement) because it's big - that and you can't hear the kids crying if they wake up in the middle of the night (insert Smiley). Anyway the trouble with the downstairs bedroom is the downstairs bathroom. Now really the bathroom isn't that bad as a whole but the SHOWER is another story. My parents have redone every room in their house at least three times, except the downstairs bathroom shower. It is a SMALL cubicle without an overhead light and it has a huge hole cut into the bottom because the drain doesn't work. My mother has put some kind of wooden bath mat things over it that pinch your feet when you stand in the middle. Oh and if you drop the soap and have to lean down to pick it up your butt will push the door open and cause water to puddle on the tile floor - not to mention the chill that runs up your spine. Really it's that bad - but it is convenient so I continue to use the Neanderthal era shower even though I hate it. That and the three panel mirror over the sink. Have you ever done your hair in a three panel mirror. It may look okay in panel one, two and three but get in front of a real mirror and look at it all together - not good! Oh and then there are the towels or what we fondly refer to as RAGS! You see the downstairs bathroom is my dad's territory. It is where he gets ready EVERY SINGLE DAY (I don't know how he does it - he must never drop the soap). Anyway when my mom gets new towels the old towels go to the downstairs bathroom for my dad to use. HUH? I KNOW! Holy Bananas man just apologize for whatever it is you did to warrant never getting to use a soft fluffy towel and suck it up - if not for yourself than do it for your visiting off-spring. I was very glad to get home to my own full-size shower and fluffy towels. Some times there is no place like home.

Oh and about the tree. We decorated the tree - it looks nice. What can I say? Three kids, 1 dog, 1 cat and lots of fragile ornaments. I feel lucky just to be sitting here right now!

And by the way, for Christmas we're staying in a hotel - I'm giddy just thinking about the quality bathroom time...

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Happy Thanksgiving...

Most of the time the faces in this picture are what I am thankful for but right now, at this moment the thankful thing is failing me. As I type I am listening to Lauren whine and cry for a Kleenex so she can indulge in her obsessive eye and nose wiping (and it isn't like she can't get her own Kleenex she would just rather that we, her subjects, get it for her not to mention I just gave her a napkin - it's the same difference - JUST USE THE DARN NAPKIN). So while the whining is getting louder Alex is chasing the dog around with the vacuum which causes her to bark frantically since she thinks the vacuum is a farm animal she should be herding into the barn and Sydney is somewhere with MY can of Diet Coke singing a song about drinking Diet Coke. I think what I would be most thankful for right now is QUIET!

Anyway, I really should be making Pumpkin Bread but I just don't think I would survive that whole experience right now. I'm not feeling much like a group event.

Okay this is what I am thankful for this year:

My dear husband who has his hands full with me but still loves me.
My children for just being who they are (really most of the time I mean this)
Good Friends
Great Neighbors (Hi Jan!)
A good job
Two cars in the garage
A nice house
Scrapbooking (if you laugh I'm taking my laptop and going home)

So that is my list. Not very original I know but I am thankful for the average, American life that I lead. I wake up every morning knowing that I am a lucky woman, if not a little boring - but really give me a margarita and I liven up! You wouldn't believe the things I say about Mario after a Margarita! (INSERT SMILEY)

Monday, November 20, 2006

Rethinking the crabby thing...

I've been doing a lot of thinking about this blog and I think I have made some decisions. Some different choices, but my plans will have to wait a minute because right now I have something to be crabby about and of course that something is STUPID drivers. I think today must have been stupid driver day because holy bananas every where I turned STUPID DRIVERS. Almost every day I drive my girls to daycare and I have discovered that the STOP signs in the daycare neighborhood must be a figment of my imagination because NO ONE ELSE STOPS. They don't even attempt to stop, I mean really, they aren't even doing the slow down and pretend to stop. It is blatant stop sign running. It makes me crabby almost EVERY SINGLE DAY!

So after the driver of the 1985 Dodge Caravan with simulated wood panels was in such a hurry he/she couldn't be bothered to STOP for the stop sign - he/she seemed unable to read the speed limit signs and drove SLOW when they were meant to be driving fast and since there was no way to pass that meant I was driving slow against my will. I dealt with this relatively well since I knew my turn-off was coming up - but what happened next, after I exited the SLOW ZONE, was so crab-inducing that instead of my usual quiet chanting of "it's 40, it's 40, it's 40" I yelled loudly "IT'S 40" - I am sure the driver heard me but was just ignoring me. Anyway that slow driver that ever so SLOWLY exited from the Walmart Zone and was in front of me was more than I could deal with and so I turned off early and completely threw off my entire schedule. I was still crabby when I opened my office door. GRRRR. Luckily my day passed fairly free of crab inducing moments and I returned to my van completely forgetting that today was Stupid Driver Day. I was so blissfully unaware for 25 seconds and then, it happened, some IDIOT DRIVER pulled out RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, and then proceeded to go SLOW and THEN almost didn't stop for the red STOP LIGHT. It was a "should I stop, well it's RED I guess I better stop - so now I am going to stop - right here, in the middle of the intersection and I'm not going to move again until the light turns green". Holy bananas move that boat!!! So let's just say it was a very frustrating day...
Okay so about the blog. I read my entries very objectively the other night and frankly many of them SUCK. I think I am trying too hard at the crabby thing. And you know every day does include a moment or two of crabby but normally I'm not such a crabby person (and this is not open to debate). So I'm going to make some changes. I mean I will still call this crabby deal - for now anyway - and I'll still be Crabby Girl, but I'm just not going to push the crabby. If I'm having a good day I'm going to be honest about it. I'm not going to be ashamed of my uncrabbiness. I'm not going to invent reasons to be crabby. You're gonna get whatever I feel like - so there. Okay so that's the first part of the plan. No more crabby if I'm just not feeling up to it (oh and this morning - the whole stupid driver thing - that made me very crabby - REALLY). Part 2 I'm going to write about whatever I feel like. I can't make any guarantees that it is worth reading, and based on my previous posts it seems like one out of five is worth something, SO you will want to keep reading in anticipation of the "golden" post cause you never know when it might appear. Part 3 - I'm not going to force myself to post if I'm not feeling the flow. Nothing is worse than forced, trying too hard, not flowing writing. So don't give up on me if I haven't posted for a day or two - keep coming back - PLEASE. I am almost ashamed to admit how much pleasure I recieve from checking out my stats and looking at the number of hits to this blog. Part 4 - I think I'm going to start posting some pictures. Oh and this is just a little side comment - if you haven't noticed I ALWAYS include informative links on the sidebar (okay they might not be that informative but if I talk about it I'm probably linking it). So check out the links - sometimes they are the best part of the whole darn entry.

Okay so that was the crabby followed by the plan. If you think of anything else constructive to add to my plan let me know. If you have a comment that isn't constructive but is funny or nice or supportive or just saying hello - go ahead post - but if you are just a nasty individual with nothing nice to say don't bother posting - cause I'll just delete you anyway.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

I guess I'm not crabby enough

So today I received a few emails expressing surprise that I am taking the demise of My Magical Magnificant Movin' Mario and his soon to be absence in my weekly life as well as I am. I KNOW, even I'm a little surprised at myself but here's the thing, the same day that Mario had the Dancing with the Stars Disco Ball STOLEN right out from under his happy feet I became the proud owner of a new cell phone. And it isn't just any phone but a PINK Razr. I know it is a little sad that I could be so excited about a phone. But it isn't just any phone it is a PINK phone and I really love my PINK phone. So although the loss of Mario is devasting just a glance at the Phabulous Pink Phone and I am able to face another day. I don't know if a Pink Phone will keep the Mario Melancholy at a Minimum but for now that darn pink phone is making me pretty peachy!!!

By the way if the Phabulous Pink Phone was really peach I would not be happy. I hate peach I don't look good in peach - on my body or at my ear. At one time I loved peach. I used to have a bathroom that was peach and light blue. I thought I was very Miami Vice with that bathroom. Oh and just for the record I never liked Miami Vice. Some people may think Don Johnson is cute but he's got nothing on My Mario. My Magnificant Magical Mario. What am I going to do without Mario? How will I ever watch Dancing with the Stars again? HOW CAN EMMITT SMITH LIVE WITH HIMSELF. Shoot I'm feeling sad, where is my Phlippin' Phabulous Pink Phone???

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

OMG Crabby!!!

Oh My God! Did you see it? Did you see Dancing with the Stars? Did you hear them say Emmett and his dancing twit won? Listen to me America - WHAT DID YOU DO? I told you. I told you to vote for My Mario. I gave you every reason to vote. Were you listening? Holy Bananas. AND - about Mr. Smith - sure he had some rhythm but he looked the same in EVERY SINGLE FLIPPIN' DANCE. Just like Sarah Evans looked like she was doing some kind of two-step boogie on her horse no matter what dance she was supposed to be doing.

Anyway, I guess the fairy tale is over. My Mario is just another Saved By the Bell has-been (did you see Tiffany Amber Thiesen in the audience - what has THAT chick been doing??? - oh and just so you know SHE is on my husband's list - it's a regular Saved by the Bell reunion around here). Anyway, you don't know how it pains me to see my Mario reduced to second place, but I'm a realist. I'm ready to move on. I must endure. Although if he (Mario) starts selling t-shirts to save his house I am soooo going to ask him to move in with me.

Now life will return to normal on Tuesday and Wednesday evenings and the highlight of my TV viewing pleasure will be Thursdays. I can only hope to see an "I'm Purrrrfect" sweat shirt to get me over the hump.

By the way, if you see Mario on the street, you know selling those t-shirts, be sure to give him a hug for me. I know he misses me...

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Man that judge makes me crabby

Here I am LIVE with Dancing with the Stars! Yes, I am blogging while I'm watching. There is so much filler it isn't like it is the impossible task. Anyway my Mario just got done dancing his Samba to one of my most disliked songs of all time - Duke of whatever by Stevie Wonder - hate the song. Anyway the boy was hot but my attention was somewhat divided as daughter S. was busy doing her own rendition of the Samba/Pole Dance. I hate to discourage her but I sure hope she doesn't take her show on the road.

Okay Emmett and the chick just danced again - did you know his head glistens with sweat while he is dancing. Yep, and now you know. And that older judge guy - the one that sits in the middle I think he is in love with Emmett. It's just my opinion but I'm pretty observant that way. AND I'm telling you if Mario doesn't win I'm going to ask for a recount. Oh give me a break - Emmett and his chick just got perfect marks. Please.

So is this annoying you yet? I mean it's just an experiment. A chance to try something new. Just live with it for today okay - I'm too tired and crabby to deal with your whining and I've about had it with Mr. "Emmett I love you" judge. Now he is REALLY making me crabby.

OMG did you hear that? Mario's mom just said if Mario doesn't win the trophy Mama will make him a trophy. Okay so that's it - the engagement is off I don't think I could live with Mama...

Alright here we are with the big finale... I'll be back with commentary after the performance. Hey, Emmett's head is glistening like it's covered with glitter. Did the dancing chick shake her spangled booty all over his head?

Mario, Mario, Mario, did you see my Mario? Man he doesn't even have to dance he can just stand there. Oh wait - there's Mama - must forget Mario...

Okay it's a dead heat - neck and neck - like that is a big surprise!

So that's it. My Mario's fate is in the hands of the voting public. Do your part. Make my day. Vote for my Mario. Really, I am sure I can think of something to do about Mama. Okay gotta go I've got votes to cast and phone calls to make...

Monday, November 13, 2006

When I'm sick I'm crabby

So I've been sick in bed all day today. I hate that. I hate being sick because of course I think I am never going to be well again and will die with bad hair and mascara smears under my eyes. And then there is the sleep hangover. I have been sleeping ALL DAY and I don't know if I feel so bad because I am that sick or if I have just slept too much. Either way it sucks and it makes me extra crispy crabby!

Right now, as I type, I am locked (literally locked - as in the knob is turned and my children are taking five minute shifts pounding on the door and asking me who locked the door) in my bedroom because my in-laws are visiting right now. And it isn't that I normally lock myself in the bedroom for their visits (oh there is a comment so wanting to come out but I'll keep it to myself) but believe me when I say I am unpresentable at the moment. I smell, I have holes in my pj's and there is the hair thing. If I were to just close the door and not lock it my children would happily introduce each and every visitor into my "sick room" again and again and again. Right now I'm not looking for company (insert smiley).

The best part of today - tonight, when I'm sleeping (after dark when people are supposed to sleep), I'm hoping for NyQuil induced dreams of Mario...

Thursday, November 9, 2006

The Moment is NOW!

You know as excited as I get about Tuesday (Mario) and Thursday (Grey’s Anatomy) you would think I didn’t have a life. But I do. A busy life. But I appreciate the little things. I really do.

So this week my mantra has been Just Be Me. Make this today the best it can be. No regrets about the past, no anxiety about the future. Just the incredible lightness of being in this moment. In this NOW (I know it's kind of long for a mantra but really I just repeat the Just Be Me part) . So that is what I have been trying to do. It’s harder than you would think. It’s amazing how much of what we do is based on what was or what will be. Kind of makes it easy to miss the little things. So this week I have been noticing all the little things. Like the gorgeous pink sunset on Tuesday evening, and the way daughter S has decided that she should talk out of the side of her mouth because it is just something new to try, and languishing in the pleasure of the millions of hugs and kisses that are unconditionally bestowed on me by daughter L. And watching L take over as the “boss” when S is not feeling well. Yesterday she was so lonely she thought she might have to cry. She didn’t but she thought she might have to. And having those rare moments of connecting with A when he isn’t a raging hormone teenager. The now really is good.

Personally I’m not sure a person can live every day in the now, it seems a little bit like sticking your head in the sand but every now and then it's a good thing. Maybe I'll start small - a now day every month and then try working it into every week. Of course it would make sense to do it on a non-crabby day and who knows maybe it will work so well I will have more non-crabby days and I will have to change my name to not so crabby girl. I could like her.

Wednesday, November 8, 2006

Some phone calls just make me crabby!

Finally, I can quit ignoring my telephone. I got so many of those irritating political calls it made me CRABBY and I started ignoring the phone. And if you know me you know that is BIG! Anyway, I would look at the Caller ID, see unknown name and number and ignore the call. But THEN some of them actually left messages on my answering machine, messages that would beep at me until I deleted the darn things. WHAT? Don’t they know I’m BUSY? I have important things to do; I have a blog to write, kids to chase, Scrapbooking to do, Mario to stalk, I don’t have time for them and their annoying calls.

So yep, I ignored them, they kept bugging them, I kept ignoring them, and now it is all over and I’ve got my phone back. I mean what if Publisher’s Clearing House has been trying to get a hold of me? Or or or MARIO! I can’t even think about it.

So did you see my Mario dance last night? A tango. Very hot. He cannot lose to Joey Lawrence. It just can’t happen. Besides I think I’ve had a premonition. This morning when I was getting ready for work my daughters turned on the TV and there it was Saved by the Bell. I mean how often do you just happen upon Saved by the Bell anymore? I think it’s locked in - Mario is going to win! Just wait, you’ll see.

You know this thing with Mario? This “admiration” I have for him? Well you know it isn’t really that bad right? I mean sure he’s cute and he’s hot and he can dance and he’s probably got a little money stashed away (although he is doing Dancing With the Stars, but it isn’t like he has been gig-less since Saved by the Bell, he did that Animal Planet show – I mean that must have paid SOMETHING and he showed his bare bottom on Nip/Tuck (I’m telling you that show is where it’s at), that had to be worth some cash and it isn’t like he’s selling t-shirts to pay his mortgage like that freaky Screech guy so he must be doing okay). Anyway, I digress. The thing I wanted to say is I have my very own Mario at home (love you honey). Really. Okay fine, he isn’t Hispanic and he doesn’t dance, and he isn’t a television star and he doesn’t have dimples and his name isn’t Mario but you know – he’s close (insert smiley!).

Tuesday, November 7, 2006

Sorta crabby sorta not

Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday!! It's Tuesday. Marvelous Moving Mario day! And only a few minutes until the start.
I've got my Halloween candy, I've got my tv on, and I'm ready to go. Bring on the dancin' baby!
Soooo this is going to be a short post. I'm sure you understand :-)
So go, watch my Mario move and then VOTE, for Mario of course. I'm thinking he might just get eliminated this round. He's a little too good. Somewhere there are people that want him to lose. It's just like the guy that won all those games on Jeopardy - first everyone wanted him to win and then everyone wanted him to lose. Hmmmm. Interesting dynamic.
Okay I gotta go.

Monday, November 6, 2006

Someone eat the Halloween Candy - QUICK

Okay let's just take a minute to talk about Halloween candy shall we? I mean why is it that a big candy bar does not tempt me - it can sit around in the cupboard for months and I don't feel even a little bit compelled to take a bite. But Halloween candy? Forget it. I think those miniature candy bars are kind of like babies - hard to resist a nibble. Ohhhh look at this itty bitty Snickers. It's so cute. I could just pop it in my mouth in one bite. Yummy Yummy Yummy. Come here baby let mama have a little smidgeon. And then the next thing you know you have consumed an entire extended family, nieces, nephews, cousins - they all look the same and taste even better. And to top it off today I am CRABBY. Do you know what that means to a bag of miniature peanut butter cups? Annihilation!!! The end of the family tree. Who wants to live with that guilt? And really when it comes right down to it I hate those mini things. They are teases. They are just daring you to stop at one. It's all just a game to them. A mean, mean game.

But the worst part of all - I can't seem to bring myself to throw the Halloween candy away. I mean really my kids stayed up past their bedtime and went begging from house to house to bring home those baby candy bars. Can I really just treat them like trash? Turn my head and just empty the entire bowl into the garbage? And then there is the I'll take it to work plan which in theory is good - UNTIL the sorting begins because really do any of us want our co-workers to get the best stuff. See that's what I'm saying. So pretty soon you end up with a bag full of suckers and sweet tarts and tootsie rolls - like your co-workers are really gonna want that stuff. They've already sorted their own stash and are lugging in the same crappy candy so no one is going to think you are a hero for sharing.

So here I sit with PMS looming on the horizon and a big bowl of cute baby bars just waiting to go to the great beyond. It isn't looking good but at least I've got a sugar high goin' on!

Friday, November 3, 2006

I can't even go crab-free today!

Well here we are again - another non-crab day. It seems like it was just yesterday I was having a crab-free day and I'm really not sure I'm ready to give up the crab for the week. A girl can only stand so much happiness you know:-)

And you know, it isn't about yesterday's plan failure, or about my disappointing first day of Kindergarten or about Walmart or the guy that had five cars backed up behind him because he was going 15 mph. I'm just in a bit of a crabby funk.

Okay fine maybe it has a little to do with that Kindergarten thing. I mean that experience in itself was something I could overcome but then there was the tennis shoe on the wall thing. Yes, it's true, I was THE LAST kid in my Kindergarten class (I was in the afternoon class - country kids were in the morning class) to have my tennis shoe on the wall because I was the last one to learn to tie my shoes. I may have been the last Kindergartner in the whole school to know how to tie my shoes. Heck, I'm not even sure I ever got my shoe on the wall . I mean I remember that Mel H., and Julie D. and even Bob "chase me around the playground" S. had their shoe's on the wall but I don't remember my shoe being there and I think I would remember. I mean really, I remember making the plaster of paris in a paper plate hand print which I painted blue so I think I would remember the shoe. So maybe it is really all about the construction paper shoe that I never had on the wall. Could it be that between first day disappointment and shoe tying failure that a true crab was born??? Now that is something to think about...

Thursday, November 2, 2006

Holy Crabby Bananas

Holy Bananas! Today was a very crabby day. An, I should have stayed in bed day. I should have closed the blinds, pulled the covers over my head and pretended I had amnesia day. Yep, it was that kind of a day but it didn’t start out that way at all. There were no Walmart drivers, no missed Mario. It was a perfectly fine day. Life was good and then bam – CRABBY.

Really, it’s just like when I was in Kindergarten and I had to sit on the red talking line the first day of school. I was so happy to be in school. I wore my favorite orange dress and new shoes. And then I sat by Julie D. and things began to change. She started talking while the teacher was talking but the teacher didn’t know it was Julie D– nope she thought it was me. So what happened? I had to sit on the red tile line– right there on the Talking in Class square. I was not happy; as a matter of fact I was crabby, I was in Kindergarten and I was crabby. And it was all because someone else did not follow the rules. The no talking while the teacher is talking rule. Yep – someone else broke the rules but I was the one who got crabby.

So today was another crabby day just like that day in Kindergarten. A day gone bad because someone ELSE did not follow the rules or in this case someone did not follow the PLAN. A Plan that was developed for a reason, just like there are reasons for rules there are also reasons for plans.

So there was a plan in place, a good plan, a plan with a reason and considering there are entire companies devoted solely to the art of planning you would think it would be a pretty big deal. That people would pay attention. That plans would be FOLLOWED! And yet, every day there is someone, somewhere who is NOT following the plan.

Usually someone thinks they have a better plan but sometimes, just sometimes a plan isn’t followed because SOMEONE thinks they are being helpful. That even though a plan has been developed they are going to do everyone a favor and do it their own way. Okay sure, but usually, like today, when the plan wasn’t followed, there was nothing HELPFUL that happened. As a matter of fact the plan used – VERY unhelpful. So please next time you are involved in a plan review the plan, look at the plan, heck you can even moan about the plan but for the love of granola DO NOT CHANGE THE PLAN.

You know I kind of wonder what happened to Julie D. I hope she isn’t the one that is STILL looking for me on because frankly, I’ve haven't liked her since the first day of Kindergarten.

Wednesday, November 1, 2006

A lifetime of crabby

Okay here I am, here I am. I told you I wouldn’t be posting yesterday and I didn’t so it isn’t like you didn’t know (smiley).

So alright, let’s just get right to it shall we? Last night I discovered something that has been making me crabby for YEARS - really. I mean it isn’t something that I didn’t already know but the fact was reinforced. Okay here it is, the real story, a confession - I’m a tripper. As in I am frequently tripping over cracks in the sidewalk, rocks on the road, holes in the lawn, my own two feet. Seriously I am not exactly the most graceful crab.

I remember in second grade, running around the gym with the nuns timing us, (hey, at least it wasn't marching) and suddenly tumbling across the floor. WHAT? How did that happen? I was traveling at the speed of sound and my feet just couldn’t keep up? And that was just the beginning; I have fallen down bleachers in front of a gym full of high school students, I have walked off a flight of stairs and fallen at the feet of my destiny in a bar, I have stepped into a hole while playing with my kids on the big toy resulting in an ankle so severely sprained I could barely hobble to the car. I’ve even tripped over a rock in the parking lot on the way to my car causing a bus to swerve around me. Yep, it’s all true. Just ask around – people know…

So anyway, last night as we were preparing to head out into the neighborhood I slipped on the step and FELL. I know NOW you’re surprised. Anyway, after assuring my family I was fine fifteen times (enough already) we headed out the door. While walking from house to house my daughter S. tripped and fell TWICE. OH MY GOD it’s hereditary, she’s a tripper. I don’t even know what to say – I’m sorry baby. (smiley - goll darn lack of smileys)

So there it is, the whole story – do you see why I admire Mario and his fancy feet and graceful moves? It’s all beginning to make sense isn’t it? Welcome to my world...

Monday, October 30, 2006

Monday and the Super Crab

Monday. Blah. The best thing I can say about this Monday is that it is almost over. Yes, I know how pessimistic of me (did I spell that right - I hate bad spelling). Actually I hate making spelling mistakes and I hate mispronouncing words. I mean really I take pride in my vocabulary - I know scrapbooking and big words, you're painting a picture aren't you - believe me it's not what you are picturing. I swear to God if your picture includes that "I'm Purrrfect" sweatshirt I'm never blogging at you again.

Oh and adding to the ugliness of Monday is the fact that tomorrow night is Halloween and yet Dancing with the Stars will go on. Mario will be there flashing his dimples and I won't be there. I will be running around the neighborhood with my goblins wishing for a margarita and Mario. I mean I love my kids and all but it's supposed to be a Halloween Extravaganza with the dancing stars. What exactly does a Halloween extravaganza entail? Will there be costumes? Will there be fantastic tricks and eye pleasing treats? Will Mario be appearing as a stripper? I wonder how long it takes to get Tivo hooked up? Anyone?

There probably won't be a post tomorrow, unless something extremely irritating happens on the way to work tomorrow morning (and it could happen considering the Walmart Zone and Halloween and all - I mean it isn't like 50% of the Walmart shoppers aren't scary enough every other day of the year).

Have a great Halloween and if you see Mario tell him I'm waiting for my treats, I should be home by 10:00!

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Who knew it was Saturday???

Okay I know I don't usually post on Saturday's but I didn't post on Friday and if you've been paying any attention at all you know that Friday's are "crab-free" days. So since I didn't post on Friday and even the crabbiest of girls need one day to be rid of the crabs I decided today was the day.

So, here we are, it's Saturday. I got to stay up late last night and scrapbook (not a word) and then sleep in a little later this morning. Ahhhh the serenity of Saturday - until I wake up and all is reality (smiley - need the smiley - seriously).

Anyway, today my husband took the kids on a little trip to see his parents and I was left behind to clean to prepare for a visit from my parents - who will be arriving some time late this afternoon. So what did I do with my precious few hours of solitude? I mean it is a given that the house needed cleaning, which had to be done before my MOTHER's (and dad's) arrival, and there are only so many hours to get it done, but what did I do? I decided this would be the ideal time to spend forty-five minutes arranging my daughters' closet (no that is not a typo - 2 daughters - 1 closet - I know it is insane) by item type, sleeve length, pant length and color family. Now did this really need to be done. No. My mom is not THAT much of a neat freak. It isn't like she was going to go through the closet and say "oh honey, I don't know if you noticed but you have a yellow short sleeved blouse in with the pink long sleeved sweatshirts. Is that really where you want it?" I mean sure she might think that but she would never say it. But for some reason, while I was dealing with limited time I decided that this was a task that just could not wait another minute. I do this all the time - when I have a dead-line looming I will find the most unimportant item to be done and then spend countless precious minutes working on that one, tiny, insignificant thing. I know, it's a problem. Maybe if I wasn't so busy cleaning the hairspray off of my curling iron I wouldn't be late for church so often.

So anyway, the house did get cleaned and the bonus is that my girls' closet looks like Gap Kids. It's fabulous!!! And well worth the time - really!

Okay I have to go my parents will be here any minute and I have to decide if I should start the macaroni salad or clean the hairbrushes...

Happy Saturday

Oh - and while I was enjoying my solitude this morning my doorbell rang and I ignored it. If it was you I'm sorry. Don't take it personally.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Who Is Looking for my crabby self?

Why is it that there are always two classmates looking for me? At least that is what tells me almost every other day. Who are these two classmates and why are they looking for me? And why is it always two classmates and is it the same two classmates every time? Are they futilely checking every other day hoping I will miraculously appear? I mean really, if I wanted to stay in touch I would have called or emailed by now. QUIT LOOKING I don’t want to be found!

Oh and the other thing that bugs me about or or whatever it is called is if I WERE looking for someone I might not want them to know I am looking. Who made it their business to tell on me? Okay, fine, I’ll admit it sometimes I check out these websites and yes, sometimes there may be a certain some one or two that I am curious about but really I don’t think they need to know. SERIOUSLY. Between the tattle tales and Caller ID how does a girl ever have any secrets? You know if Mario figures out it’s me that has been stalking him the dance will never be the same.

OH MY GOSH, I just had a thought. Maybe those two classmates that are looking for me ARE ME? I know it’s stupid to look at your own profile but, well, sometimes I do, just to make sure I haven’t changed or anything. So maybe it is just me checking me out. I guess I better send myself a message so I know I’m okay and can stop letting me know someone is looking for me.

Okay so now I am leaving to check out everyone I have ever known on THAT website. If you get an email that someone is looking for you they are – it’s me.

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Crabby Late

I was late this morning. I hate being late. Well, okay I am occasionally late for family social functions and church. Yes, it’s true, growing up I was the one that was always wasting time and getting yelled at to “hurry up, we’re leaving”. I’m still the last one out the door when it’s time to leave for church, but now that I’m a mom I think that is my job; last person out the door – church or otherwise.

But that being said I HATE being late for work or appointments. It makes me feel all anxious and crabby. I remember once when I was still young, single and foolish I was four minutes late for work and the manager I had at that job noted I was late and asked why. Well I didn’t like her anyway and was feeling a little rebellious so I told it like it was and said “Hey I didn’t like the way my hair looked, I’ll make up the four minutes tonight”. I mean really late or bad hair – which would you choose? EXACTLY!

Anyway, I wasn’t super late this morning – just five minutes, but still Late is Late. When I run late that rabbit in my head keeps saying “I’m Late I’m Late for a very important date”. And you know what I’ve never even seen that darn Alice in Wonderland movie or read the book. I know one line from the entire movie and that’s it, but it runs through my head more often than the soundtrack from the Sound of Music. Aggravating.

Okay, it IS Wednesday and you didn’t think I would let another moment go by without mentioning my Mario did you. Did you see those moves last night? He certainly can shake it (well not as well as Joey “no hair” Lawrence, but then I think Joey was more of a shimmier) Anyway, Mario has better over all moves, BUT I think the judges are bored with Mario because he is so good. It is kind of like telling a professional they are good. I mean how many times can you say – “man you are so hot and you knocked my socks off will you come home with me”? Okay so maybe that sounds more like what I say but you get the picture right? Anyway, he is good, and has all the right moves, but I think he (Mario) has lost some of his passion. Do you think he knows I wasn’t watching last week?

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Haircuts and not so crabby reminders

So I still don’t know if I like this evening update stuff. I haven’t adjusted yet. It’s throwing off my Zen. I’ll give it a few more days and then we’ll see how I feel. The good news is I’ve always got something to feel crabby about.

Speaking of crabby – okay, so this morning it happened, I got behind the 20 in a 40 zone driver. HELLO – it’s 40. That’s 20 mph faster than you are driving grandma! So what do I do? I sit in the car and say – it’s 40, it’s 40, it’s 40 – hoping that they will telepathically pick up my crabby and IRRITATED vibes. It never works… Oh and this happened even BEFORE I entered the Walmart Zone! You know that is NOT a good sign.

But there has been some light in my day. Lately I have been liking my hair which can only mean one thing. I must have a haircut coming up. I’m never exactly sure when my next cut is scheduled. Whenever I get a haircut I schedule the next appointment for five weeks. I pick a date, the receptionist girl fills out the little reminder card and hands it to me, I very sincerely accept the card and then drop it into the black hole of my purse and never see it again. Why? Because they call me! The day before I have a haircut there is a friendly message on my machine reminding me I have a haircut. I love that reminder. I love that they take the time to call me and tell me I have a haircut, because even though I have a reminder card somewhere in my purse I’m never quite sure of the actual appointment date. Sure there are signs it’s getting close, a month has passed, I’m running out of hairspray, it’s been a good hair week, that kind of thing, but there is nothing that cements the date in my mind like the reminder call.

Oh and how come my hair knows I have a haircut coming up? Does it have a psychic connection to the reminder card? Does one hair become the leader and line the rest up to tell them that this is the week of the haircut so they all better straighten up because you never know who may get the “permanent cut”? Who knows? And what would happen if I refused the reminder card? Would I have a good hair month? Or would my hair freak out because it didn’t have the reminder card ESP to rely on? I’m afraid to find out. All I know is that six months from now when I clean out my purse I will find at least five reminder cards – and if it wasn’t for the reminder PHONE CALL I never would have remembered one of those appointments – not one! So, I wonder why they fill out those cards anyway. Don’t they know I am dependent on the reminder call NOT the card. I mean really, does anyone actually remind themselves from the reminder card??? This could keep me up all night…

Monday, October 23, 2006

I know I know and it makes me crabby too...

Yes, I DO know it is Monday EVENING but this is my new update time. Yes, I also know that this is not how things started out but this is how they are now. Yes, changes make me a little crabby too but we'll all adjust - I promise. REALLY - have I let you down yet (alright so one day I did a little complaining and I said I didn't complain and as devoted as I am to Mario I did completely forget about him last week - but, trust me, those were isolated incidents).

So this is the new schedule. Updates in the evening. Will there be updates every evening? I doubt it, I DO have a life you know. I mean I have kids to feed and a husband to pamper (DO NOT LAUGH) and Mario to stalk and scrapbooking to do and laundry and cooking and shopping and Grey's Anatomy and... see do you see why I am crabby? Does it come as any surprise? I mean when is the house cleaning fairy going to show up at my house? If you see her please let her know that I'm tired of waiting for her. Just tell her to stop at the dang gas station already and ask for directions - the friendly folks at Kwik Trip know where to find us. Just follow the trail of fruit snacks and Oreos.

You know the worst part about the evening update stuff - I'm so overloaded with crabby I can't concentrate. If you have any solutions for that let me know (SMILEY - I need a dang SMILEY).

That's it for TONIGHT. Feel free to discuss and share your thoughts and opinions. I mean it can't make me any crabbier - right?

Friday, October 20, 2006

No Crab For You!

No Crab For You! Are you hearing the Soup Nazi from Sienfeld in your head? Aren’t there just things that when you think them you hear them in a different voice? Like when I think Ruh Roh I think it in Scooby Doo’s voice, or when I talk to my friend Maria, Julie Andrews is there, in the back of my head, singing Climb Every Mountain, or when I think SERIOSLY it is Meredith “McWhiny” Grey’s voice. Okay, fine, never mind but that is how it happens in my head.

So here we are – FRIDAY – again! HOORAY! I am sooo wanting to be crabby but I won’t do it. I will not ruin the goodness of Friday. The start of the weekend. The beginning. Ahhh Friday. Wait - does this sound similar to last Friday’s post? Man I hate it when I am unoriginal. Usually I’m quirky. I love that word – QUIRKY. Actually I love words. I know it’s weird (like you’re surprised) but I do. There are some great words out there just waiting to be used - like myriad, and inexplicable and extrapolate, and supercalfragilisticexpealidocious. Yep I love words. Writing them, saying them, thinking them. Words are fun. Just another thing you have to trust me on. I am not a complainer and words are fun – really.

Anyway, of course Friday brings Grey’s Anatomy after glow, which I eluded (good word) to last Friday. As much as I ADMIRE Mario and all of his attributes, if it was a choice between his dancing feet or all of the Grey’s Anatomy angst I would pick Grey’s (sorry Mario, I’ll make it up to you). So what I love most about the show is that sense of surprise – you think you have it all figured out and then, like real life, it doesn’t really turn out like you thought. The alternative isn’t bad, just different than what you thought you knew and expected. You know? Like when I thought it was going to be Callie and McSteamy and instead it was Addison. The writers are so good at that. But then there was the 8.7 million dollars. Who carries around a check for 8.7 million dollars? Who spills orange juice on a check for 8.7 million dollars? Who hangs a check for 8.7 dollars on the refrigerator? Sure, I get that Izzy wants to do something good with the money, and so would I (after my shopping spree at TJ Maxx) but deposit the darn check already. Man it drove me nuts. And next week that dang check better still be hanging on the refrigerator. And if it is gone, there better be a good explanation for it being gone because you don’t just hang 8.7 million dollars on the refrigerator and then act like it was never there. Oh shoot. Did that sound crabby? I didn’t mean it.

So okay what would YOU do with 8.7 million dollars (and DON’T say you would hang it on the refrigerator)? By the way I keep asking these questions and no one is answering. Come on people – answer the question. Humor me. Make my day (Client Eastwood voice). Fine, you don’t have to answer but you know you are hurting my feelings – right?? Just so you know (if I could I’d put a smiley right here).

Happy Friday. Now go out and pretend you have 8.7 million dollars and do something good.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

I miss Mario and it makes me crabby...

Mario, Mario wherefore art thou Mario…

I missed it. I missed Mario. First I don’t remember burning my finger and then I forgot about MARIO? I must be losing my mind. How does a person forget Mario??? Seriously.

I had an errand to run last night, (yes, yes, yes, it was at the scrapbook store – get over it already) and I knew something was nagging at the back of my mind but I didn’t know what it was so I went on my merry way. If only I had known. If only I had realized that while I was busy chatting and browsing and feeling pretty paper Mario was dancing without me.

So, I got home, turned on the TV and there it was Dancing With the Stars and it was almost over. WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? No Mario dancing his way into my heart. No dimples flashing at me from the screen (my youngest daughter has dimples like that. I have no idea where she got them. I don’t have dimples, my husband doesn’t have dimples, now Mario, he has dimples – HEY, maybe… Oh wait, now that I WOULD remember). So, yes, I missed the whole dang thing. Sure I saw the group disco number at the end (and where the heck was Donna Summer? – what is disco without Donna?) and a lot of Joey “Boring” Lawrence but very little of my Mario. It was a very sad moment indeed. It made me CRABBY! But I voted for Mario anyway, I know he was good, he’s always good…

ANYWAY, although I am still crabby over missing Mario I almost had to get over it on my way to work. I mean how can I be truly crabby when I got to “shake the paint off the walls” with the Hooters this morning. Really. Can you not help but smile when you think of that snappy tune (see, if I knew how to add an audio clip I would have the Hooters brightening your day but as it is I can’t even add a smiley… )? I can see that my friend Amy (with the Purrrrfect sweatshirt) and I are going to have to discuss 80’s pop music today. It’s just a given considering I started my day with the Hooters and moved on to Eddie Money. Sometimes you just have to follow your destiny (I NEED A SMILEY).

Okay that’s it. Watch Mario tonight. He’s on again. He’s my hero (SMILEY).

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Colds and Crabs

BLECH! My eyes are watery, my throat is a scratchy, my nose is stuffy and I didn’t sleep well. You know what that means (remember there is a trend here) - CRABBY!

I hate colds. Everyone in the house has a cold. There is sniffling and coughing and groaning and crying. And to top it off I burned my finger while curling my hair this morning. I don’t remember burning my finger. I don’t remember that gasp of pain when my delicate skin made contact with hot metal. I don’t know how I missed it. BUT it must have happened because now my pinky is throbbing and I have a nice puffy blister starting. How could I have forgotten burning my finger? Boy I must be losing it or maybe this cold is making me delirious :-) (it's not a real smiley but it will work...)

Sooooo, I can see I am going to have to get a grip. In my very first post, the beginning of the Crabby Chronicles, I assured you that I was not a complainer. I assured you that there was a difference between crabbing and complaining. I assured you that you would come to see the truth of my statement. I am beginning to think I lied. What I wrote today is coming very close to complaining. Someone quick slap me! I solemnly swear to never complain again (well almost never, okay well no more than once a week). Are you happy now???

So that’s it. I’m crabby with a cold that is bringing me perilously close to being a complainer and has me so delirious that I didn’t even know it when I singed my tender skin on the curling iron. I don’t know about you but I think I should just crawl back to bed.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Smilies and Crabs

It’s Monday, so let’s just jump right into it okay??? I mean really, I have such a myriad of reasons for being crabby today I don’t even know where to start.

Alright fine, I’ll say it. I am very crabby because I do not know how to add smilies on this blog. Can I do it? Are there smilies available? Or maybe this is a smiley free blog-zone. If there are smilies here I don’t know how the heck to find them, or use them or insert them or whatever it is that you are supposed to do with smilies.

Really, could someone PLEASE tell me how to insert a smiley – Seriously! I am so preoccupied with my smiley obsession I can’t even think of anything else to say.

Alright, I'm going to try to get over it, to move on, to supress my inner smiley. So what is going on in your world? Are you a Monday Morning Crab or a Susie Sunshine ready to greet the new week with a smile? (DANG - there it is again – the need for a smiley – is there no end? Will I be forever haunted by the lack of smiley posting? Is my life to be reduced to implied smilies?)

Please, help me. Reach out. End this obsession. Tell me about your Monday. Only then may I conquer the smiley. Maybe…

Friday, October 13, 2006

I can't be crabby - it's Friday!!

Friday. It’s Friday. I’m just too happy it’s Friday to be crabby. Well I could be a little crabby because it is the Friday the 13th thing but I’m not really into the superstition stuff. I mean I’ve done thousands of the “forward this email to 500 of the people that matter the most in your life and all your wishes will come true” emails and frankly not once has my wish come true. NOT ONCE. Dang emails, they get my hopes up, I’m all ready to head to the mall to start spending my millions, and then it hits me. My dream is NOT coming true. It makes me crabby. --- Oops, sorry, I relapsed.

Okay, so there are so many reasons I am happy for the Fabulousness of Friday. I have Grey’s Anatomy afterglow, I’m meeting my friend Amy for lunch, (and if I’m lucky she will be wearing her “I’m Purrrrrfect” kitty sweatshirt - she scrapbooks too), I get to stay up past my bedtime and do whatever I want until the wee hours of the morning, and when I get home from work today I’ll feel that euphoric rush that means the weekend. Ahhhhhhhh. The Joy of Friday.

So in honor of “I Can’t Be Crabby – It’s Friday” I am going to think of all things happy. I’m not going to think of anything crabby, like the weather, or smashed pumpkins on the side of the road, or that Walmart thing, or laundry that reproduces, or those emails that threaten to bring destruction and pestilence to me if I don’t follow the rules and forward the letter of doom to all my favorite people, because you know I am just hopping to bring sadness and despair to people I love. Nope, I’m not going to do it, I’m not going to get crabby (and believe me it’s really a crap shoot because for just a minute there I felt it happening – I felt myself inching to the other side – but I stopped – I pulled myself back – I thought happy thoughts and remembered that last night on My Name is Earl, Randy was wearing an “I’m Purrrrrfect” sweatshirt, that made me smile).

So today I’m really going to work on not being crabby. On being happy. On changing my name to Pollyanna. On finding my rose-colored glasses. On my love of clich├ęs (I need a smiley here – seriously).

So this is what I came up with. This is what made me happy this week:
The big, beautiful, glowing Harvest Moon.
My kids singing silly songs.
The beautiful flowers my McHubby sent me.
Watching Mario Lopez dance (and smile, and talk, and move, and…)
Talking to my friend Amy about Malibu Barbie and the Fischer Price Little People Dollhouse (you know the one, blue with a yellow roof, opened in the middle, two bedrooms, one car garage, under the stairs storage. The perfect mom, dad and two kids with plastic hair family home).

So tell me what made you happy this week. Really, I want to know, I’m not just saying it. I REALLY want to know. So tell me or else I’ll get crabby…

Thursday, October 12, 2006

You're not helping

I've gotten comments from California and Florida and Georgia and LONDON for God's sake, letting me know about the fabulous weather in those locations. Just let me say one thing - YOU PEOPLE ARE NOT HELPING! It isn't making the crabby thing any better. Seriously (ha).

Oh and for those that were offended by my reference to Walmart. I didn't say EVERY person that goes to Walmart is a bad driver - just most of them. I mean really, if you are my friend and I have ever been in a car with you your driving can't be that bad (if I knew how to insert a smiley here I would so just imagine the smiley okay???). So just forget the Walmart thing. It's over, it's done.

Gotta run. I want to get out the door before the Walmart lunch crowd starts whizzing by (this is where I would put another smiley).

It's COLD - I'm crabby!

Okay did I mention that it is Mid-October? Mid-October people. Mid-October: sunny days, brisk nights, let's take a walk and look at all the pretty leaves and enjoy the sight of birds flying south and squirrels gathering their nuts and school kids waiting for the bus. That's mid-October. What did I wake up to this morning? Flippin' December! It is 25 degrees outside right now. That is below freezing. That is frost on the windshield and ice on the sidewalk. That is winter coats.

I hate winter coats. They're bulky, they're a hinderence, they make me look like a snowman. I mean really, if I were six feet tall and had a body like Cindy Crawford I might not mind (well I might mind because if I had a body like Cindy Crawford I'd just walk around naked all day and a winter coat would really mess with that) but as it is I'm not six feet tall so hate the winter coat. Of course this makes me CRABBY! I'll get over it but right now it is really grating on my nerves just looking at that ugly winter coat hanging on the back of my door.

Thank goodness none of those people who don't know how to drive were on the road this morning. Right now there is still hope, the crabbiness could dissipate, but if I had encountered those 20 in a 40 zone, let's run a red light and wait until the last second to pull out in front of you people all hope would be gone. The crabbiness would be pretty constant - at least until noon.

Did I mention I have to pass a Walmart at least twice every day. You know that is where all the bad drivers hang out - right? Seriously, the next time you are near a Walmart look around - bad drivers EVERYWHERE! I don't do Walmart, it might turn me into a bad driver...

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

I'm crabby and passionate

Yes, it's true. I am a crabby person at heart. Now don't go thinking I'm a complainer because I don't complain - there is a huge difference between complaining and being crabby. Seriously, you have to believe me on this, I KNOW the difference. Alright fine, don't believe me but you'll see. Really.

So other than revealing my crabby side to the world why am I blogging? Well because I'm bored today. Well that and I'm a little bit crabbier than usual. This morning I got up and the rain was raining and the wind was winding and the leaves were leaving and work was working. The threat of snow is snowing on the horizon. Holy Bananas it is only mid-OCTOBER. HOLD OFF ALREADY. I think Mother Nature is a crabby wench too - she has issues...

Let's see what else can I share? Normally I'm good at sharing. You tell me a story I tell you a story. It makes for a nice conversation. But today, I've got a captive audience, and I've got nada. Nothing to share. Well I have things to share but I'm holding out. You never know when I might need material.

So it's up to you. What do you want to discuss? I mean we could talk about the weather - oh wait I did that already. We could talk about my disposition - oops covered that already too. We could discuss my passions. Quit it - I mean passions as in what I like to do. What gets me excited and kind of puts the crabby thing at bay. Okay let's talk about that. Passions. Hmmmmm. Well, aside from the crabby thing, cause really, let's all be honest sometimes it's just fun to bitch, of course I'm passionate about my kids and husband, and I'm really passionate about TJ Maxx, even if Dr. Christian Troy (Nip/Tuck, baby) thinks its a tacky place to shop. I can be very passionate about Grey's Anatomy and Mario Lopez (can you say he's on the list???) and then there are my hobbies. Did I mention Scrapbooking. DO NOT ROLL YOUR EYES. I mean really I don't have any of those cutsey kitty sweat shirts that say "I'm Purrrrfect" or anything tacky like that. I'm a cool scrapper. A happenin', hip chick. It's a creative outlet. I can cut and color and paste and use glitter and glue and fun ribbon and nobody minds. Hey it's better than playing with paperdolls...

Okay that's it. This is my blog. Like or leave it. Love it or hate it. But this is what it is. Hey, what do you expect it's a work in progress... Now tell me your stories. But if all you're going to do is be bitchy find your own blog 'cause you're invading my bubble by doing it here.