that is the ongoing theme of my life.
I can't wait to be a perfect person. To have the perfect body. To be the perfect wife and mom and friend. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. It is a HUGE character flaw. Seriously. Because in the process of impatiently waiting for things to happen, perfectly, things are happening all around me. Today that is making me sad. What if I miss once in a lifetime opportunities because I just don't think I am perfect enough?
So, I take these thoughts about perfection and add thoughts of perception which leads me to a huge self-righteous discussion with myself, I tell myself that it doesn't matter that I am not perfect. That I am who I am. That it is okay to just be me as I am right now. That the people who like me, like me for who I am today, not the perfect person I am waiting to become.
I try to tell myself that it is all okay and if things get better along the way - HOORAY FOR ME. But then I think what if they don't get better? What if they stay the same? What if I am never the perfect me I think I should be? And what if I decide to be an imperfect me and be okay with that but others aren't okay with that? What if they still think I'm too ugly or too fat or too chatty or too needy or JUST TOO MUCH??? What if? Then I get all bogged down with the impatience and never enjoy the journey along the way. I have to learn how to enjoy the journey. I have to learn to have faith that even though I may not be perfect today (and I may never be perfect) that it is okay - that people still love me. That the only one who is impatiently waiting for the perfect me to arrive is me. That is what I have to learn. And if I do that - well than I may be perfect...
Sorry I know this may be a little too much. I was going to sit on it until I could say what I wanted to say perfectly but instead I just decided to say it from the heart. Move along now - there is nothing left to see.
TTFN... remember to enjoy the unexpected surprises along the way whether you are ready for them or not - they are all part of the journey.