Do you ever just sit back and go WOW what did I do to DESERVE this life. And I don’t mean in a bad way (I have those days too - the ones where I go WELL what did I do to deserve THIS life). But today the emphasis is on the good.
I look at my wonderful kids, my good husband, my friendly neighborhood and my home that provides a safe harbor for family, friends, and soft furry pets. It’s a good life. It’s secure. It’s comfortable. It’s filled with love. It’s much more than many have (and yes less than some) and I can’t help but wonder how I got so lucky. What did I do to deserve this life? This life free of war and poverty and disease. This life that is blessed. How is it that I deserve so much goodness?
Actually, I have to admit that it all scares me a little bit. The good things could all disappear so fast. Life is precarious. Just when you are walking along, wearing rose colored glasses and singing to the sun BAM a bird could poop on your head. Or in my case it would probably be more like tripping over the crack in the sidewalk. And then everything changes. I don’t want things to change, not in a bad way anyway.
What can I do to keep my family safe? Protected? Hidden from the bad things that are lurking just over the rainbow? And it isn’t just the big things like drugs and guns and cancer. It’s the little things too; like broken hearts and bad friends and unfulfilled dreams. How do I protect them from these things – big and small? I know there are some who will say it is the struggle that make us the people that we are – but you know that doesn’t give me a lot of comfort – no matter how true it may be.
Yes, I want those in my heart to be strong and resilient. I want them to be able to get over the bad stuff and concentrate on the good but can’t I just tell them about it? Do I really have to let them experience these things? You know, I’m not going to if I don’t have to. Oh shoot now I just said that and I am probably tempting fate – so listen – fate, I didn’t really mean that. I’ll do whatever I have to if necessary but really just play nice – okay?
So that’s it. On the brink of watching my son take a step into High School and my daughters exit the baby years I’m feeling lucky but afraid. But I’ll do the right thing and I won’t let them know. Now that is one way I can protect them!