Enough is Enough...

and that is where I am right now with the dog. She's a cute dog. She's a happy dog. She's a big dog. She's a dog who hates me. Seriously, the dog has to go. She won't listen to me. She won't obey for me. She won't walk on a leash with me. She attacks me. She is fine with every one else but with me - she's out of control. I have no idea what the issue is - dogs like me - really they do - but Autumn not so much and I can't deal with it anymore. I have enough things in my life causing me stress I don't need a dog on top of it. And it was MY idea to get the dog. I wanted a companion to replace Callie. I wanted a nice dog to keep me company. I wanted to have man's best friend by my side again - but the dog we ended up with - it isn't working out with the two of us. It makes me sad especially since I am not a quitter. Seriously, I don't just give up on stuff. Getting rid of the dog feels suspiciously like quitting but it's me or the dog...

There are big things on the horizon and I think admitting the dog is not working out and moving on is the first of them. Maybe taking that step will make the next few steps a little easier.

TTFN...

When does this become easier?

I've never been good at good byes or endings - unless they are totally my decision (oh don't even get into that control issue thing - seriously I.DO.NOT.HAVE.CONTROL.ISSUES). Even when I know that the ending is inevitable - I'm still not ready. You think a person would figure this stuff out and then find a way to cope - but nope - it always catches me off guard, makes me cry and sucks any tiny bit of joy out of the occasion. This Friday was another ending. The ending of my daughters' Kindergarten year. I didn't cry when I dropped them off the first day - not really any way - okay maybe I got a little teary eyed but there really wasn't any full-on crying. But this end of the school year stuff. UGH. I cried Thursday morning when I read the last teacher update email. I cried Thursday afternoon when I was looking through the memory books which were lovingly assembled by Mrs. Wells and Mrs. Guidgell. I cried Thursday night when I helped the girls pick out their outfits for the last day of school. And then Friday - I cried all dang morning. When I said goodbye to the girls for the walk to school. When I saw Mrs. Wells in the hallway while waiting for class to be released to attend mass. When I was sitting in Church listening to Syd crying because every time she caught a glimpse of Mrs. Wells she felt sad. When a teacher I didn't even know, my children never had, and to be honest I wouldn't even have recognized on sight, gave her goodbye speech as she is retiring. AND THEN the teachers sang the Irish Blessing and I totally lost it. I'm talking tears running down my cheeks, nose blowing, sobbing. And of course there was Syd right with me - except she included sound. Lauren just looked at both of us like "what is wrong with you people". I was never so glad to say "Thanks be to God" and exit a church in my life. It was a very emotional day. No wonder I was tired today :-)

Anyway, the summer has begun and I'm sure there will be many adventures over the next three months. Sometimes I wish I were a teacher with the summer off but how would I ever handle those goodbye every single year??? I should probably just stay with the profession that I'm in.

TTFN... Oh and yes, I cried while I wrote this - I told you this ending stuff is hard on me.

I love you more than cheese…

Seriously. Cheese is a big thing in our house. Everyone loves cheese. Even the dog - take out the cheese and she becomes Super Dog – able to leap small children in a single bound. So to say that you are loved more than cheese is a big deal. It is my little pet phrase. The other day when I was snuggling with the sick girl I kissed her sweet little neck and said “I love you more than cheese” to which she replied, without hesitation, “I love you more than the lamp” which of course made me laugh. Somehow I love you more than the lamp does not have quite the same ring to it as I love you more than cheese (okay fine, maybe some of you don’t think that has much of a ring to it either but it works in our house – I mean not that the HotY compares me to cheese but you know what I mean…). Anyway, Syd, seeing she had made me laugh, launched into a whole new level of silliness – loving me more than lamps, tables and entire living room suites combined. Kids – they can extrapolate any topic until it almost ceases to exist :-) or at least isn’t funny anymore (admit it – you KNOW what I mean).

Really, take Lauren for instance. She has been a wild girl lately, breaking into some self choreographed dance that we have dubbed the “monkey dance” (and trust me when I say the title describes it all. And yes, it is complete with sound effects). It’s funny the first time and sometimes even the second or third – but after that I’m really ready to move on from the monkey dance – but not Lauren – she could keep it up long after the laughter has stopped and really most of the time – she does :-)

I have no idea where my kids get this stuff from, seriously. They are so spontaneous, happy and carefree. It makes my heart sing. Sometimes when I am watching them or we are in a moment together I wonder if this will be it – if this will be one of the memories that they will remember forever. The memory that will spring to mind when they are old and wizened and needing a lift. The memory that will take them back to that time when they were 6 or 16 and life was full of fun. I hope they have many good and happy memories which will make them feel that carefree spirit in their future lives (one of mine involves making roads with my brother in the sandbox on a hot summer day – coming in the house to eat Macaroni & Cheese for dinner (as long as it wasn’t made by the babysitter who would only use HALF of the cheese packet) and then going back outside after the rain to search for the end of the rainbow – it’s a good thing).

So what is your memory? Doesn’t everyone have one?

TTFN… and remember to keep searching for the end of the rainbow.

Even the best laid plans…

I had big plans for today. I took the day off in anticipation of a day on my own - the last full Friday before the end of the school year. I was going to shop and meet a friend for lunch and start cleaning out closets for the garage sale we are going to have on a yet to be determined date in June. I had a lot to get done. And then, around midnight, I heard the coughing and crying begin. The coughing was not from a cold but from impending throw-up! And so it began. Syd came down with the flu. I should have suspected she wasn’t feeling the greatest when she asked me to snuggle with her after supper last night and she actually fell asleep. So the plan for the day was slightly altered with me taking care of a sick Syd. If it weren’t for the flu symptoms that hit her intermittently throughout the day you would never know the girl was sick. Seriously, there is not much that slows her down – ever. We had a WebKinz party, watched the dance recital DVD, talked about having our nails done, headbands that won’t slip off her head and why red is her favorite color (let’s just say it has something to do with a certain sixth grader whose name begins with a “W”). I accomplished absolutely nothing but I did enjoy time with my daughter – well when she wasn’t in the bathroom anyway.

TTFN...

If it's Spring...

Then it must be field trip season. That time of year when countless students, cold lunches in hand, converge upon museums, baseball stadiums, amusement parks, zoos, swimming pools, and playgrounds. And you know what – I HATE field trip season. I KNOW. What kind of non-chaperoning mother am I that I secretly despise the entire notion of field trips?

I don’t mind the change in schedule, I don’t mind the extra money, I don’t even mind getting a cold lunch ready. BUT what I do mind is putting my children on a bus, a bus which will be driven by an unknown bus driver over whom I have no control, a bus which will be traveling on a highway, a highway full of other drivers whom I cannot control, a bus which may have to travel many miles before reaching its destination. THAT is why I hate field trips – they cause me to worry.

I worry about the safety of my children while traveling on the bus. I worry about the safety of my children once they reach their destination. What if they wander away from the group? What if they go on a ride which is unsafe? What if a zebra or a giraffe or a gazelle escapes from the zoo and tries to eat them? What if their cold lunch hasn’t stayed cold at all and they end up with food poisoning? It could happen. So field trip days – I hate them and I’m always thankful when my babies are all back in the nest. I won’t let my kids know I hate the field trip because I wouldn’t want to take their fun away - but between you and I – well you know how I feel.

TTFN… Oh and about that cold lunch – can you say Hostess Ding Dongs are in the house – it’s the only time they’re allowed!

And then there were two...

more members in our family. Six years ago today Lauren & Sydney entered the world - 8 weeks before schedule but healthy, beautiful babies.

The sixth birthday celebration has been going on for nearly as many days as there have been years.

Saturday we had the friend birthday which included 20 out of the 21 friends from their Kindergarten class (really it SOUNDED like a great idea). Fun was had by all - there was bouncing and cake and ice cream and balloons and presents. Today there were birthday treats to bring to school, presents from Alex and the HotY and I and dinner at the restarant of their choice. Tomorrow is the birthday celebration with the grandparents complete with MORE cake and ice cream and burgers on the grill - oh and presents of course.



I'm so dang tired (I think I'm still trying to recover from Saturday) so I'll leave you with the pictures for now. There are some great pictures from the bouncing party but I don't feel like I can post pictures of other kids without parental permission - so for now you are stuck with looking at my kids - AGAIN!

Oh and look at thise babies at the top of the page - is it any wonder I still get the baby itch every now and then - and no it ISN'T an option I'd seriously consider - I'm just sayin'

And it all comes back to this…

Music. Seriously, don’t you think music is the great common denominator of the world? No matter your location, status, gender, age or race there is always music to be found and celebrated. Well, maybe in a broader sense, it is art as a whole which connects us all. Tastes and interests may differ but I think at the end of the day there is something beautiful that moves us at least once in our lives.

Sooooo, all this dramatic lead up is really just to say that at the end of the day, for me, it all comes down to music (although if pushed I would say I’m more visual than audio – but maybe I’m wrong about myself) and how it ingrains itself in my memory. Which brings me to this; although Amy knows a lot about who sings what, dead or alive (which 80’s disco diva is it that is dead – Gloria Gaynor? Kim Carnes? Donna Summer? – Amy will know) she DID NOT know about this song. We had a discussion about it at Heather’s with neither of them having a clue what I was talking about even after proving its existence via You Tube. So what about you? Do you remember this song? Am I the only one who remembers when this video frequently played on MTV (the early days)? Because I’ve never forgotten about Goin’ Shoppin’. I KNOW. And the sad fact of the matter is - it gets a fair amount of play time in my brain as I can’t make a trip to the grocery store without the lyrics playing through my head a time or two. At least until APPLES anyway. So come on someone else must remember this little ditty. Anyone, Anyone???

Oh and since we are on the topic of music; my radio presets provide me with an array of music from 80’s oldies (ha – has 80’s music ever died? I once read an analogy from someone who stated that 80’s music is like the boxes that don’t quit make it to the attic – they are stashed away but still very accessible and not really in storage), to top 40 to classical to alternative rock to almost anything BUT country. This is what I heard on my way to work this morning.
Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol
Cherry Cherry - Neil Diamond
Poker Face - Lady GaGa
China Grove - Doobie Brothers
Monday Morning - Fleetwood Mac
Aren’t you glad I’m good about that sharing thing ;-)

TTFN… have a great weekend. We have a birthday party on the books – there will be bouncing and cake – it’s a win win all the way around :-)

Oh, and Amy, this is for you

They could have danced all night...

Well the 2008-2009 dance season is drawing to a close. The dance recital was Saturday. AND a bonus this year - there were no trips to the emergency room - although they did change the venue - it did make me go hmmmmmmm :-)

The girls were in two dances this year. Ballet and Tap. I don't know if they will do tap again next year. It sounds good in concept but... Did I mention the coordination issues that seem to run in some members of this family??? We'll see. And really, right now all they care about is starting gymnastics (which is our summer activity) and Lauren thinks she may be interested in Soccer (she's my athletic girl).

Anyway, I need to get myself to bed so without further ado here are the pictures. Enjoy.

Boy does this bug me…

Let’s talk about pet peeves shall we :-) I know it’s all been about the whining and the crying lately – so why should today be any different? BESIDES, I’ve just been dang crabby. I’m trying to get over it, really I am, but at least now you know why I haven’t been writing.

So anyway about that pet peeve. Let me tell you about it since I know you are just dying to know. We have a closet and we have a foyer and the closet is in the foyer and there is a door on the closet. A fully functional door. No defects. No closure problems. Just a regular ordinary door. I must close that door, in the foyer, fifty times a day – seriously. Every time I turn around the closet door in the foyer is OPEN. The entire neighborhood knows the contents of my coat closet since the door is always open. Seriously I can close the door and five minutes later when I look in the foyer – DOOR OPEN. I don’t think there is anyone in this family who knows how to close a closet door except myself. I also don’t think there is anyone who knows how to hang up a coat because the coats are always hanging on the newel post – which is two feet from the closet. Time is such a commodity that the people in this house can’t walk two feet to hang up a coat? I mean come on – the door is already open how much time can it take?

TTFN… Oh and hang up your coat and CLOSE THE CLOSET DOOR!

Twitter me this...

Color me curious, really. So what is the deal with this Twitter thing? I'm not sure I get it. And that isn't to say I might not jump on the bandwagon because I didn't get the whole blogging thing right away either (as they say in the software industry, I'm a Late Adopter - and that is ohhh so true in ohhh so many ways but ohhh there simply is not enough time to even get into that) but for right now I'm a little perplexed.

Seriously. Do people really care that much about what other people are doing at any given moment? Isn't that what this Twitter thing is all about? Up to the minute reports on every day occurrences? That is called life people - regular life. We all have one - and if you don't you should get one. So I'm just not on board with the whole thing yet. I don't even know where to find Twitter, besides, there is enough noise and commotion in my life why would I want incessant twittering? I can open my window and hear the birds when I need a twit - I mean Tweet. And, if I WERE to join the hordes of twitterers I can only imagine what I would have to share:

Got up. Cleaned dog pee. Took shower. Told Sheryl Crowe to shut up. Drove to work. Avoided direct contact with Walmart. Appointed self official stop sign vigilante. Came home. Talked to kids. Cleaned dog pee. Went to bed.

Please, I know, the excitement of it all. I can totally see why hundreds would want to read this kind of stuff. But really, if you have a good reason why I should be taking this entire Twitter thing seriously let me know because YOU KNOW I hate missing out on the cool happening stuff :-)

TTFN...

It will be worth it in the end…

I’m scrapping with my friends Amy and Heather on Saturday at Heather’s house. It will be fun - I know it will - but the prep – UGH. I know you are thinking “how could she be complaining about getting a few pieces of paper, scissors and adhesive together?”. And really it SHOULD be that simple but it’s not. The paper, scissors and adhesive are the least of it. First I have to decide what pictures I’m going to work on, what paper I’m going to need what “fun” extras I want to use. Do I want ribbon, or buttons, or flowers or chipboard or Thickers or die cuts or glitter – what about the glitter? I mean seriously, the choices and decisions are countless – and no matter what I decide there will be SOMETHING I will wish I had brought along. That’s the way it goes.

My goal is to pare down my choices. I am taking ONE laundry basket of stuff. That’s it – just one laundry basket. Amy, are you listening to me – ONE LAUNDRY BASKET – that’s all I’m taking - well that and my pink tote for paper. (Oh and by the way, Amy, I’m still talking to you, I have your word – in writing - which says you will be staying until 10:00 p.m. AND NOW you have it in writing that I will be at Heather’s at 10:00 a.m. - not 10:15, not 10:30 but 10:00 a.m.. If you can stay up past your bedtime I can get my act together in the morning and be on time. :-))

So there you go, my plan for Saturday. I know it sounds all boring and middle America like but it really is a fun time. There will be laughing and talking and eating and sharing and maybe even some creative work will get done. To be honest, I don’t even know the last time I actually scrapped – I pretended to scrap the last time we got together but Heather and Amy know I really didn’t get anything done – but I talked a lot – like that’s hard to believe :-)

TTFN…

Oh and by the way, I've been so good at not procrastinating this week I even made the time to get my Driver's License renewed this week. The HotY was sure I was going to have to pay a fine or something for being so late - but nope - nothing. Fill out the form, pay the money, test the eyes, take the picture (I got two tries - the first time she said I looked too serious so we did it again - the Driver's License chick said it was a good picture but who is she kidding it's NEVER a good picture)

Why I should not procrastinate…

and other life lessons I have learned. Okay, well really, this just has to do with the procrastination, but hey, I liked how the whole life lessons thing rolled out so it’s staying.

As you may recall, I hate the dentist, but go anyway as I think healthy teeth are more important than an illogical fear of the dentist. But, that is not to say, it is without great trepidation and procrastination that I make my way to the friendly dental center. I know I told you this before but I just wanted to reiterate this little bit of trivia about me. And really, there is a purpose… I have a tooth that has been bothering me – actually it isn’t so much the tooth but the gum between two teeth. I’ve been thinking that somehow I have cut my gum between these two teeth and it keeps getting irritated. The fact that I have been flossing and poking a pin between my teeth to dislodge whatever it seems is stuck there is probably not helping the matter but….

So yesterday I got a small mirror and the flashlight and took a look in my mouth – and what did I see???? Well, remember, when I told you my dentist had found that I had lost a tiny bit of a filling but it wasn’t bothering me and I knew I would probably not make it to the appointment that was on the books because getting me to the dentist (or the doctor for that matter) usually requires at least one cancellation? Well, I know this may come as a big surprise, BUT that is exactly what I did – cancelled and rescheduled the appointment. THEN I totally forgot the rescheduled appointment and NOW, I’ve lost a little bit more of that filling. Yep, I could see with my own naked eye where part of that filling was missing – thus causing the gum irritation sensation. And really, it isn’t a big spot, and it isn’t causing me pain – as long as I don’t chew anything hard on that side of my mouth but still – DANG. BUT I have made appointment number three and this time there will be no procrastinating because even more than I am a procrastinator I am a paranoid freak when it comes to little things like a missing filling as I fear it is going to turn into the need for a root canal or some other dreaded procedure, overnight. Seriously, I am obsessively brushing my teeth and rinsing my mouth and feeling that little bit of missing filling with my tongue every two seconds. I know I know, the HotY is such a lucky guy :-) And he knows it too. Thus the utterance of his favorite quote when I am being especially exasperating “How did I get stuck with you as a moving buddy?” So don’t tell me he doesn’t know what a lucky guy he is – he knows :-) Sorry, I digressed for a moment. Anyway, it’s a trip to the dentist next Monday. That’s the soonest I could get in. It’s going to be a long week…

TTFN – and don’t neglect your teeth.

Here comes the sun…

Ohhhhh how I love this time of year.

I love the sunshine and the warmth and the promise that summer is on the way.

I love walking outside without the bulk of a winter coat weighing me down.

I love not putting on socks in the morning.

I love parking my van in the furthest spot in the school parking lot and walking to pick up my girls, by-passing the slow as a snail car pick-up line.

I love open windows and the warm breezes which make my curtains billow.

I love sundresses and sandals and tans and the smell of coconut suntan lotion (I know so politically incorrect of me – that suntan thing).

I love the way the sound of an airplane droning overhead in a clear blue sky can make me feel like a kid on summer break (I have no idea why this sound brings this memory back to me but I never fail to think of being a kid, playing outside and watching the vapor trail left by a jet whenever I hear a plane in the sky on a summer day).

I love late nights on the deck with a glass of wine and good company.

I love May Day and the joy my kids get from leaving an unexpected surprise for their friends.

I love the sound of summer rain pitter pattering on the roof and bringing new life to the world outside (which also never fails to bring this song to mind).

I love summer.

I love it.

I love it.

I love it.

AND I think it has arrived – or something that resembles summer anyway - I have hope…

TTFN…

A picture says a thousand words...

Easter 2009
(click to make larger)

I love this boy…

my nephew Jordan. I mean I love all my nephew’s but, Jordan, he’s one of a kind.

He’s a good sport (willing to wear sparkly dance clothes and “marry” Syd to make her happy

He’s a good guy and treats girls like they should be treated.

He’s got a good sense of humor – he and I can laugh together for hours.



He’s not too cool to still love his mom and to tell her.

He’s a pretty good driver (even if he did almost take out their garage door when I let him drive my van.

He’s my nephew - I can’t help but love him – but I would anyway – related or not.

Yes, we spent Easter at my parents. Yes, I got to spend some bonding time with my sister and her boys (Jordan and Austin). Yes, Jordan and I took a little road trip. No, he (Jordan) would not stop and let me chat with his girlfriend (I have no idea what he was afraid of :-)).

Yes, there were Easter Egg Hunts and Easter Baskets (pictures tomorrow). Yes, it was a nice holiday. Yes, we all ate far too much. Yes, the diet is back on…


No, I have no idea why this post is formatted the way it is but I tried and I can't fix it.

TTFN…

Twitterpated...

you know that whole spring - love is in the air - thing that happens? Well it is happening around here and really I'm a little old for the whole twitterpated thing so you know it has to do with my little darlings :-)

Of course the ongoing love story of Sydney and Wyatt is still a topic of discussion with Syd mentioning that she just happened to tell Wyatt that she loved him while they were doing their Easter buddy project. When I asked her what he said she gave the standard reply "he smiled" I don't know about you but I'm thinking that Wyatt does a lot of smiling :-) I can only hope that the summer break will cool down Syd's "affections" because right now she's talking about buying the house across the street so she and Wyatt can live there and I can babysit for their baby Pinkie (which just happens to be the name of her PINK bear). You can't deny the girl has a plan (she even has a back-up plan in the unlikely event that Wyatt marries someone else - his name is James).

Lauren, on the other hand, is much cooler about her feelings - although mention the name Oliver and she turns all shades of red. Yesterday she came home with "exciting news", crawled into my lap and revealed a necklace. Oliver took a vacation to a tropical locale over spring break and brought back a gift for Lauren (the shell necklace). I actually knew it was coming as I had talked with his mom the day before and she had "warned" me about Oliver's surprise (of course I didn't let Lauren know I already knew). When I asked her what she did when he gave it to her she said she put it in her backpack and wouldn't open it in front of him (she is very modest about this kind of thing - not so modest that it stops her from shakin' her booty down the hallway when it is pajama time but give her a gift and she is all shy). She did remember to say thank you. And now that necklace is her prized possession.

See what I mean - TWITTERPATED. Alex seems immune to the whole "affairs of the heart" thing right now but the girls - not so much. I have no idea where they get all these romantic notions.

Have a great Easter and watch out for that bunny - he may bring some twitterpation along with his basket of eggs.

Good Food, Good Friends, Good Fun…

Listed in no particular order.

Last night we had our friends Julie and Larry over for dinner (the girls are gone this week and Alex had a movie date). It was a fabulous night. We ate, we drank (can you say Pomegranate martinis) we talked and mostly we laughed. Julie and Larry are family. We went to High School together and now we are lucky enough to live in the same small city – actually the same neighborhood. They are Godparents to our girls. They have three fabulous children of their own. They are good, good, good people. It was a great night.

I did leave Larry a little perplexed at one point in the evening. I was telling a story (I know – so hard to believe) which started out in one place and somewhere about the middle we were somewhere else entirely different. Larry finally stopped me somewhere in that middle section and said “Ang, this really is a very fascinating story but I have no idea what this has to do with you being in a serious car accident” Julie and the HotY just gave him the “welcome to our world” look followed by Dennis saying “just give her time, she’ll get there –she’ll tie it all together you just have to be patient” They acted like all these details and tangents have nothing to do with the real story – but really I just want to give the whole picture – seriously (besides there was super-special ESP involved so I had to show the connection). AND who likes only part of the story? Furthermore, in my defense, I have no idea how many martinis I had consumed at that point (it’s okay – I wasn’t going anywhere) heck I had moved beyond martinis and was breaking into the Razzle Dazzles. Did I mention it was a little hard to get up this morning? I know such irresponsible behavior for a wife and mother of three but what can I say – it doesn’t happen very often.

Anyway, it was a very fun night and this morning Julie and I simultaneously sent emails stating this fact (did I mention super special ESP?) and that is a good thing.

TTFN… laughter really is the best medicine.

Mother Nature is not a funny chick…

There is snow on the ground this morning. SNOW. IN APRIL. SNOW. Growing up there was an on-going April Fool’s joke in our house. Who ever was first up would run to the window, look out and say “IT SNOWED” hoping to get the other person to run to the window and then look upon only grass and tulips. That is how it worked in our Midwestern State. There wasn’t snow on the ground in April – not typically anyway. Since I have lived in my adopted Northern State it is more typical to see snow on the ground in April than not. Today that was the case. :-( It sucked.

Today is also my brother’s birthday. My brother is two years younger than I am. We were pretty close while growing up. I think we share more of the same temperament than my sister and I. My brother is stubborn and opinionated and a button pusher (seriously, we can still get into a heated argument about the movie The Breakfast Club – him voicing his belief that my friends and I were the Molly Ringwald’s of our High School days – me adamantly disagreeing – seriously we still fight about this – I know I know but it’s just one of those buttons). Of course those are not any of the traits we share. My brother is also compassionate and kind and loving and soft-hearted (sorry Sean but it is true). He is an excellent father, husband, son, brother, uncle and friend. And he is funny, very funny. He can bring tears of laughter to my eyes like no one else in this world. He’s a good man. He’s been there for me. He understands all about George Jetson and was the originator of Stump. He’s my brother and I love him. Never mind that he was born on April Fool’s Day – better known as Dum Dum Day in some households (you can read about that here when I wrote about my brother's birthday last year - which is embarrassingly similar to what I wrote this year - some days original I am not) because he is no fool. Happy Birthday Sean!

TTFN… Oh look it snowed – and that is no April Fool’s.

I can't wait to be perfect...

that is the ongoing theme of my life.

I can't wait to be a perfect person. To have the perfect body. To be the perfect wife and mom and friend. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. It is a HUGE character flaw. Seriously. Because in the process of impatiently waiting for things to happen, perfectly, things are happening all around me. Today that is making me sad. What if I miss once in a lifetime opportunities because I just don't think I am perfect enough?

So, I take these thoughts about perfection and add thoughts of perception which leads me to a huge self-righteous discussion with myself, I tell myself that it doesn't matter that I am not perfect. That I am who I am. That it is okay to just be me as I am right now. That the people who like me, like me for who I am today, not the perfect person I am waiting to become.

I try to tell myself that it is all okay and if things get better along the way - HOORAY FOR ME. But then I think what if they don't get better? What if they stay the same? What if I am never the perfect me I think I should be? And what if I decide to be an imperfect me and be okay with that but others aren't okay with that? What if they still think I'm too ugly or too fat or too chatty or too needy or JUST TOO MUCH??? What if? Then I get all bogged down with the impatience and never enjoy the journey along the way. I have to learn how to enjoy the journey. I have to learn to have faith that even though I may not be perfect today (and I may never be perfect) that it is okay - that people still love me. That the only one who is impatiently waiting for the perfect me to arrive is me. That is what I have to learn. And if I do that - well than I may be perfect...

Sorry I know this may be a little too much. I was going to sit on it until I could say what I wanted to say perfectly but instead I just decided to say it from the heart. Move along now - there is nothing left to see.

TTFN... remember to enjoy the unexpected surprises along the way whether you are ready for them or not - they are all part of the journey.

Rock - Scissors - Paper

Well maybe not Rock... but there will definitely be paper and scissors in my weekend.

I am back logged with sign orders - AGAIN. It is the funniest thing - I just get caught up with signs and just when I think I might be able to actually organize all my JUNK bam I get a bunch of orders - no one wants the darn ready-made stuff...

I just finished a big order for a store in California (so now I have signs in stores in Chicago, Atlanta and somewhere near LA) and several custom orders (including a baby name banner - Sofia Clementine - which was very whimsical - and you just know the mom has to be whimsical if she named her baby Sofia Clementine - it is a mouthful but something about it just makes me happy)

Anyway, I thought I had a little break coming (you know where I could knit) but not so much. I got a local custom order, a reminder about a custom order I forgot :-(, an order for the Chicago store, and a Just Married banner which I'm anxious to start (yes, yes, yes, the Just Married banners are some of my favorites - the brides are always so excited and they share all kinds of information about their wedding with me and I try very, very hard to make sure the banner is just right - after all it is a once in a lifetime event).


Anyway, I actually closed the shop for a very short time earlier this week - or was it earlier last week - I can't remember - the HoTY thinks it takes up too much of my time, but I really do enjoy the opportunity to be creative - sooooo as a compromise I have promised to limit the number of hours I spend doing this (which means I just have to give people longer deadlines to get their stuff) so I can spend a little bit more time with him. So far it is working okay, except - like now, when I'm really feeling the pressure to get things done. Luckily the kids are all gone this weekend (yes, it will be a date night tonight) so I can spend more time locked away with my scissors and paper (and Friday Night Lights Seasons I & II - LOVE Friday night lights - LOVE IT) and it isn't such a big deal.

Shoot and now I just remembered I was going to take the dog for a walk but I forgot and I already changed into my "work" clothes - which are NOT presentable for the neighborhood. Dang. This forgetting thing has been the theme for the week. The more crowded my mind becomes the more stuff I forget and lately my mind has been very crowded. Note to self: must remember to stop thinking...


TTFN...

Sorry for all the weird spacing - Blogger is being difficult today - sometimes I win and sometimes the computer wins - today it is the computer.

ETA - I didn't mean to make this sound all "oh Look at me and my pretty signs" - so if you read it that way that is not the way I meant it to sound.