that is the ongoing theme of my life.
I can't wait to be a perfect person. To have the perfect body. To be the perfect wife and mom and friend. I can't wait. I can't wait. I can't wait. It is a HUGE character flaw. Seriously. Because in the process of impatiently waiting for things to happen, perfectly, things are happening all around me. Today that is making me sad. What if I miss once in a lifetime opportunities because I just don't think I am perfect enough?
So, I take these thoughts about perfection and add thoughts of perception which leads me to a huge self-righteous discussion with myself, I tell myself that it doesn't matter that I am not perfect. That I am who I am. That it is okay to just be me as I am right now. That the people who like me, like me for who I am today, not the perfect person I am waiting to become.
I try to tell myself that it is all okay and if things get better along the way - HOORAY FOR ME. But then I think what if they don't get better? What if they stay the same? What if I am never the perfect me I think I should be? And what if I decide to be an imperfect me and be okay with that but others aren't okay with that? What if they still think I'm too ugly or too fat or too chatty or too needy or JUST TOO MUCH??? What if? Then I get all bogged down with the impatience and never enjoy the journey along the way. I have to learn how to enjoy the journey. I have to learn to have faith that even though I may not be perfect today (and I may never be perfect) that it is okay - that people still love me. That the only one who is impatiently waiting for the perfect me to arrive is me. That is what I have to learn. And if I do that - well than I may be perfect...
Sorry I know this may be a little too much. I was going to sit on it until I could say what I wanted to say perfectly but instead I just decided to say it from the heart. Move along now - there is nothing left to see.
TTFN... remember to enjoy the unexpected surprises along the way whether you are ready for them or not - they are all part of the journey.
3 comments:
I thought the post was perfect. You don't have to be perfect Angie for me to still love you...
No one is perfect! Don't fool yourself into thinking they are. I think you are onto the right path though...you have to enjoy the journey of your life. Sometimes it is those little things that make us happy and get us through the day!
Hi Angie, Today is the first time that I have read your blog. You made my "family" frame for me and I hope your in the process of making a "faith" frame for me. Anyway, in reading about being perfect...no one is perfect...but what would happen if you were perfect...then what would you do? What goals would you have? What would you try and do better? I think each and every day has a life lesson and it's whether we pay attention to it or not is what's important. I don't think our size matters as much as we think it does, sure we all what to look good, but being healthy is the most important of is what counts. Also when you lay your head down on you pillow at night I'm sure you know you have been a good wife and mother. I don't know you yet, but I already feel like I can say that about you...and that is good enough for perfect to me...how about you? Blessings, Wanda
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